Don’t recognize the name Ellen Ripley? Well, you know her. Sure you do.
She’s the Sigourney Weaver character in the Alien series. The kick-ass, take no prisoners, tough as nails woman who battles acid-bleeding creatures but has a big enough heart to risk her life saving a cat.
Sarah Sanders has all of Ripley’s qualities, except she’s taking down acid-tongued “journalists” who have infested the White House press corps.
While daytime television has been a wasteland of garbage for decades, the White House daily briefing is now must-see-tv. Where else can you watch a woman totally obliterate network and print reporters with devastating comments sharp enough to slice a stale bagel.
To fully appreciate Ms. Sanders, first put yourself in her shoes. Every day she walks into a room filled with people who are openly hostile, don’t respect her, and constantly try to put words in her mouth or that of the President. But their nasty questions bounce off her as if she’s wearing a Star Trek force field instead of business attire.
Oh, her wardrobe. Did you catch that sickening column by a Pulitzer Prize winner (for cartoons) from a liberal newspaper who couldn’t help but take a shot at her appearance? He called her a “slightly chunky soccer mom.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t the Republicans the ones accused of that “war on women” thing? Isn’t the Democratic Party supposed to be the one empowering women and working for equality, teaching us that we should judge women by their ability, not their appearance? Oh, I forgot, the rules don’t apply to liberals and it is okay to make light of any woman who isn’t a supermodel. Oh my gawd, Ms. Sanders is a woman who was actually hired for her ability… by a Republican! That must have made their heads explode. I guess the writer was going for the Pulitzer in misogyny. Sarah Sanders is not a soccer mom, she’s a hockey mom who will slam you into the boards, knock out a few teeth, and not mind a few minutes in the penalty box if it will help her team win.
And then the New York Times commented about the way she pronounces words. Because, as all youse guys know, Noo Yawkers nevuh tawk funny. Fuhgeddaboudit!
Sarah Sanders is more than Ellen Ripley. She’s Bruce Willis wasting terrorists in Die Hard, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “good terminator” protecting the future at all costs. She’s Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo as she fires back at reporters because “they drew first blood.”
Her snarky comebacks remind me of those old Mad Magazine “snappy answers to stupid questions” cartoons since every day she’ll get at least one query that is so ridiculous it will make you roll your eyes. Or she’ll get the same question three times, from three different reporters, three days in a row. The press corps is obsessed with taking down the President and will seize on any little thing to make him look bad, twist his words to fit their agenda, rather than do their jobs and ask questions about issues that actually concern Americans. You and I are worried about health care, education, tax cuts, North Korea, better treatment of our veterans, safety for our cops. Lately reporters are obsessed with the Civil War, which is not exactly breaking news. (They must be auditioning for the History Channel.) My favorite Sanders comeback came after a reporter asked her to name a flaw of the current President. “Probably that he has to deal with you guys on a daily basis.”
Ouch. That one left a mark.
Would these reporters have asked a question like this of the previous President’s Press Secretaries? (One of whom was married to an ABC reporter. No conflict of interest there, huh?) Hell, if Obama came to an abrupt halt, these same reporters would have broken their collective noses.
The daily briefings are so entertaining they almost demand popcorn. I do have one idea to make them better, however. Take the cameras off the reporters, most of whom simply want face time.
While I think Ms. Sanders is absolutely the best White House Press Secretary ever, I’d love it if she wrapped things up with a Hollywood catch phrase. Imagine if she said, “That’s it for today guys,” left the podium, paused at the door, turned to the press corps and said, “yippie ki yay” or “hasta la vista, baby.”
And since she reminds me so much of Ellen Ripley, I’d love her to use the most famous line from the Alien series. She could run interference when some reporter tries to get in President Trump’s face. “Get away from him you BITCH!”
And just like Ripley, she puts her life on the line for a cool cat, who just happens to be in the Oval Office.
Nick Harlow is a former television reporter and network producer. He is the author of several political thrillers and the recent “Deplorables’ Guide to Fake News.”
Nick Harlow can be reached on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/NicholasHarlow
See more from Nick Harlow here: http://tinyurl.com/yccg64k9
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